Just for laught...

-A young journalist gets a job at a provincial newspaper in the middle of the prairies. His first assignment was to write a human-interest story. Driving through the cornfields, he spied an old farm-hand and introduced himself.
"Out here in the middle of nowhere - has anything ever happened that made you happy?". "Yup!" he exclaimed, suddenly. "One time my neighbour's daughter, got lost. So we formed a posse, we eventually found her. After we all screwed her, we took her home."
The young journo blanched. "I can't print that!". "Has anything else happened?" The farmer thought again. "Yeah!" he said. "One of my neighbour's sheep got lost. We found it and all screwed it before we took it back home."
"Christ!" yelled the young man. "I can't print that either!". "OK - has anything around here that made you particularly sad?"
The old man looked at the ground. "Well," he said sheepishly. "I got lost, once."

-A visitor at an asylum asks the director what the criteria are for defining whether or not a patient should be institutionalised.
"Well," says the director, "we fill up a bathtub; then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," says the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket as it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No," says the director. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed by the wall or near the window?"

-Two guys are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, “I slept with your mother!” The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. The first again yells, “I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!”
The other says, “Go home dad, you’re drunk.”

-Q: What is the similarity between PlayStations and breasts?
A: Both are made for children, but used by adults.

-A man walks to the corner of Oxford Street and Regent Street in London during a downpour and somehow manages to get a taxi straight away.
He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says: "Perfect timing. You're just like Stevie"
"Who?" says the man.
"Stevie Jones. He was a guy who did everything right. Like my taxi being vacant during a rainstorm. It would have happened for Stevie."
"Well no one is perfect. There are always a few clouds over everybody," the man replies.
"Not Stevie," says cabbie. "He was a terrific athlete. He could have turned professional at golf or tennis and he danced like a West End star. He was handsome and sophisticated, more than George Clooney. He had a better body than Arnold Schwarzenegger in his prime. He was something!"
"Somehow Stevie just new exactly how to make women happy," the cabbie continues.
"He had a memory like a computer. Could remember everybody's birthday. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse and the whole street blacks out."
"No wonder you remember him!" says the man.
"I never actually met Stevie," admits cabbie.
"Then how do you know so much about him?" asks the man.
"After he died I married his wife."