Joke 4 laugh 2

• A man with no arms or legs is sunbathing on the beach. He is approached by three beautiful young women who take pity on him.The first says to him, "Have you ever been hugged?"The man shakes his head, and she leans down and gives him a hug. The second says to him, "Have you ever been kissed?"He shakes his head. She kisses him.Rather abruptly, the third girl asks, "Have you ever been fucked?""No," says the man, his eyes lighting up."Well, you are now, The tide's coming in."
• After years of milking cows with the traditional stool-and-squirt method, Farmer Giles finds he has enough money to order a high-tech milking machine. The equipment arrives a few days later and, realising his wife is out for the day, decides to test the machine on himself first.
  After setting it up, he quickly eases his beef bayonet into the equipment and flicks the switch. The sucking teat pleasures him better than his wife ever could, but when it's over the machine will not release his member. In desperation, the farmer calls the Customer Service Hotline. "Hello," he winces, "I've just bought a milking machine from your company. It works fantastic, but, er, how do I remove it from the cow's udder?"
  "Don't worry." Replies the rep. "The machine will release automatically once it's collected two gallons."
• After a woman meets a man in a bar, they talk and end up leaving together. They get back to his flat, and as he's showing her around, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears. Hundreds of them - all arranged in size, from the smallest on the shelves along the floor, to the huge daddy bears on the very top shelf. Although surprised, the woman decides not to mention this to him. After an intense night of passion, as they are lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and asks smiling, "How was it?", "Well," says the man, frowning. "You can have any prize from the bottom shelf."
• A married couple receive a bank statement with a huge overdraft. They also receive a final demand for the gas bill. So they agree to save money. That evening, they are watching TV when the man gets up and tells his wife that he's off down the pub. Outraged, the wife informs him that he has no right to go to the pub and leave her at home when they need to economise. The husband nods and tells his wife to put her coat on. Surprised and amazed, the wife asks, "Why, are we going out together?" "No," he says. "I'm turning the heating off."
• A man surveys the women in a nightclub, picks out the most attractive, and takes a seat next to her at the bar. He uses all his best lines, but gets nowhere. Finally, he reaches into his pocket, takes out a small box, and pulls a frog out of it."Cute," says the woman. "Is that a pet?" The man smiled. "Yes, and he's good at doing tricks too." "Like what?" "He eats pussy. Come back to my place and I'll prove it to you." Once in the bedroom, the girl strips off and puts the frog between her legs. The frog doesn't move. After a couple of minutes, the woman looks at the immobile frog, and finally demands, "Well?"The man shakes his head sorrowfully, picks up the frog and says, "Okay, you idiot, I'm only going to show you one more time."
• An elderly man walks into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a really young girl for the night. The old steamer gives him a puzzled look and asks the fellow how old he is. "Why," the man says, "I'm 98 years old." "Ninety-eight!" the madam exclaims. "Don't you realise you've had it?" "Oh," he says, "how much do I owe you, then?"

Right thats all for 2day, will post more joke soon. So look out for them if u like wat u saw!!!